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The show must go on!

I am nervous, excited, exhausted, scared and a little sad…All of the things, if my soul was on social media it’s status would say “It’s complicated.” First of all I am going to be on the stage in 2 nights, something I honestly didn’t actually know if I was ever going to be able to do ever again until the last few months when my body decided “Hell yeah, we can do this!” When it was agreed that I could open the US Air Guitar Nationals I was both excited and afraid of failure, I was surprised that the organization agreed to let me do this and then terrified I would disappoint everyone with a lackluster performance, proving that I don’t deserve anything good. I hate purchasing a ticket for the emo coaster but like any scary ride I belt myself in and go forth anyway. When on mushrooms I received the message “Without pain, there is no joy” this is kind of like that maybe, I have to suffer before I can truly appreciate what I am about to do…It is rewarding to do the scary things and be able to survive them, though performing on stage is much more preferable than dealing with stage 4 cancer…The costumes are definitely better, ha!

The little 10 year old maltipoo that came into our life a week ago is gone. We found his owner who still didn’t think it was necessary to keep a leash on his dogs, I was a bit flummoxed by this as I watched Little Dude (our name for him) run into the street with his owner yelling after him, people are so dumb. I will miss that dog, my pillow prince…Seriously can I get off this train? I can’t seem to stop crying intermittently lately, this living off of the couch kind of life is making me feel more, yet another adolescent phase…Do we ever stop going through these phases?

I talked to the hyperbaric chamber doctor today, she explained more about the therapy. Basically oxygen is forced into tissue to hyper oxygenate the body and in this way it promotes healing, especially in areas that have been radiated and has no capillaries to oxygenate the tissues on its own. I hope it helps me.

I am really tired but still need to work on my performance for Saturday. Maybe I will see you there!

Until next time ❤️

(Photo courtesy of Lenny Gotter)

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