The blog title seems appropriate to the time of year with tax day looming and breathing down my neck. I have paperwork arranged in piles along with a handwritten list of expenses that I track down from this and that account, I never plan ahead even though every year as I dance this same jig I swear that I will do things differently next time but inevitably the date comes around again and seeing as I am still breathing, the taxes must be done. Why does it have to be so complicated? I really think the system is rigged in such a way to make us afraid of screwing up, a decimal in the wrong place or an asset accidentally omitted may bring down the law and put one in a colorful jumpsuit or surprise you with an enormous bill, the grown up version of a monster under the bed. This is my problem with authority slapping me in the face with their stupid rules, so unfair in some ways, making me want to tantrum like a toddler but like every year of my adulthood so far, I will get them done and swear things will be different next time once again.
The positive side of having to slog through my taxes is that I am not dead as of yet, in fact I am still feeling pretty good save for the day here and there when my tumor oozes out of me in varying shades of brown, sometimes smooth and occasionally chunky, it’s grossly fascinating reading my biological tea leaves that appear on the soaked pads in my underwear. At these times my energy wanes and it’s a lazier day or two for me, though nothing like the malaise I experienced before the clinical trial when I hit a metaphorical wall by simply loading the dishwasher or walking my dog, this is way better. The “oozening” is happening less and less, I feel like a bathtub with a slow drain, I wonder when or if this will ever stop.
I guess I should be thankful that I am doing my taxes again, at least a little. Maybe tomorrow I will actually start inputting the numbers…It’s so lame but I will get them done eventually, I always do.
Thursday I have another CT scan and I see my surgeon so he can assess my butt, it will be a long day, though I hope both appointments yield positive results, at least I will have an excuse to change out of my around the house clothes, I feel good enough to dress for success these days, yet another positive sign…I fantasize about a life without cancer, it seems a little foreign yet not impossible, it feels closer than it has ever felt in years. We will see what happens but first I need to finish my fucking taxes, ha!
Until next time ❤️