I woke up drained today, literally and figuratively. I was getting ready to work a few hours in the office I work at 2 days a week and had to lay down between actions, as in I walked upstairs and lay on the bed, picked out clothes and then lay on the bed and so on and so on...You get it, right?
Not much changed when I got to work and I could sense my stench through the mask I was wearing as the pads in my pants grew heavy and wet with primordial ooze like the swamps of Dagoba. I went to the bathroom to change out the situation and when I saw what was in my underwear I paused...😳 Imagine a 2" diameter x 1" thick anemic chunk of scrambled egg looking tissue flecked with black pepper like flakes! I regreted leaving my phone on the desk and a small part considered keeping the specimen (I know that is so gross but it was fascinating!) I put what I can only imagine was tumor chunks in the garbage can...Knowing me I would have put it in my purse and forgotten about it like the mummified mandarins I tossed the other day.
I started a poem inspired by my experience:
Pieces of me fall on the floor.
I am fascinated by my personal gore.
I saw my oncologist yesterday and she is encouraged by my progress on the trial so far. She also found out from my biopsy that I qualify for an FDA approved immunotherapy which is good to know. My doctor also said that she felt I could heal, that this is still possible for me. It feels good that she is rooting for me as silly as that may sound.
I need to rest which is all I seem to do lately, best not to fight it.
Until next time ❤️