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Tired but not defeated.

I was notified recently that I was being dumped from Medicaid to Medicare. If you don’t know, Medicaid covers most medical expenses and Medicare is a bit more problematic. Like most government run programs, everything is confusing and often makes no sense, so I waited until this week to find out what I needed to do in order to keep my same medical team. I left a message with The Aging & Disability Association who the paperwork had directed me to call on Tuesday and waited for a response…Nobody called me that day. I called the next day, waiting exactly 24 hours from the time I left my last message, the switchboard sent me to a different department that made phone appointments, I left another message. My phone rang shortly thereafter “Is this Car-uh?” A snippy voice asked. “Kara…Yes, thank you for calling me back!” The person sounded annoyed “Are you wanting a phone appointment?” She asked, the words clipped and mildly rude. “Okay, if I can get some answers to my question.” There was a pause “So do you want a phone appointment or not?” I am not sure why what I had said did not convey that “I said okay…Yes.” The person who deals with the elderly and the disabled (gawd help them) made it clear several times that she could slip me in for a quick appointment in 20 minutes, every word sounding like chewed up jerky and then hung up. My anxiety was through the roof at this point fearing that this very person was going to call me back, my guts were coiled tight and the nausea whispered in my background.

A few minutes after 1pm my phone rang, the voice on the other end was kind and unhurried. She let me know that I made too much money for Medicaid and that’s why I was being switched to Medicare (the max is $800 if you don’t work) but let me know that if I worked part-time I could still get Medicaid as a secondary insurance 😳 The bureaucratic bullshit is astounding. My goal is to work, if I could work I would, this system is so dumb. Needless to say, my finite reserves were tapped and my nervous system was shot after I made the next call to sign up for the appropriate program. I feel really delicate when it comes to navigating that which makes no sense but has the power to effect my life in potentially negative ways. Well, at least as far as I know I am set up as I should be, we will find out soon.

We went over to Charles’ cousins house for Thanksgiving. I was super low energy today with a mild bout of nausea, like a stress hangover from the day before. I love seeing these family members though I am conflicted about the holiday, the reality of what our country is based on, the violent colonization and the horrible treatment of the indigenous people has sullied the holiday that I grew up with. I do like the idea of a holiday based on gratitude but the Disneyfied story of the pilgrims and native Americans needs to be deconstructed, I am so annoyed at the history I was fed in school… Forgive me, feeling a little lower makes me focus more on the unfairness in our country, I know it’s not all bad and I am pretty fortunate even considering my problematic health. I just know we could do so much better.

Until next time❤️

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