I hate doing my taxes. I just started them today and the stress has taken a bit of a toll on me. Every year this happens but every year I get them done. I have given myself two and a half days to complete my taxes and so I decided to accompany my slog with a reality show that I have recently discovered which is called “1000 Pound Sisters”, a show based on the relationship of two out of 5 siblings who are morbidly obese.
I use reality shows to calm me, I don’t know what it is. At times they can be monotonous, mildly boring and somewhat contrived but there is something soothing about them. The theme of this latest discovery resonated for me, I get the concept of replacing love and comfort with food, thankfully not to that degree but I understand it. Dysfunctional family dynamics, the longing for love and acceptance, self-loathing and misery loving company... Totally my jam, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I guess it is a toe dipped into the water of my different yet equally messed up family history that I don’t really want to relive at all. For some reason I find solace in the shenanigans of others who like to display their dysfunction for creepers like me.
The weight issue struck a chord, especially now that I am feeling so much better and have gained back some pounds that I had lost. I didn’t like being atrophied and so thin that my pants were constantly falling down and my boobs were like dead and flattened jellyfish but there was a sense of relief that I could eat whatever I wanted even though I often got very little pleasure from eating when I was struggling that bad...Seriously messed up thinking.
While watching the show I found myself equally loathing and loving the sisters. They are a bit broken like me, one more than the other, the co-dependency I found really frustrating and the poor me attitude of the older and larger sister actually made me mad but I kept being pulled in by their silliness and I rooted for them, I really wanted them to meet their goals and get on with their lives. All the while I continued rifling through paperwork and cursing the confusing language of the tax software, struggling over the fact that I barely worked last year and yet hesitant to state that fact, which they were asking me “Did you stop working in 2019?” I just couldn’t find the “I got cancer and I needed to take a break while I try not to die from said cancer” button, so annoying.
One of the sisters finally met her weight goal and got her gastric bypass surgery, by the end of the season the larger sister was finally close to the goal and getting her life in order.
I look forward to getting my taxes done and getting my life in order too, I am not sure why I do this to myself every year.
Until next time ❤️