Picante in wonderland.
I started microdosing psilocybin mushrooms after I was first diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago. I never did any kind of drugs growing up, not even pot but when I got my diagnosis, having been struggling with my health for 3 years at that point, I decided I needed to see what all the hype was about. Right away my anxiety went down to more than manageable and the fear of death went away allowing me to start my new journey with more determination and interest than fear. I didn’t experience a macro dose until the following spring, having read positive testimonials and at the time recovering from an 8.9cm deep abscess and the subsequent radiation. It was like the mushroom filtered off all the heaviness that I had been feeling. The damaging words washed away, I felt like I came back into my body fully. I didn’t feel like doing a journey again until this Spring.
I am not a depressed person, at least that has not been my experience until last winter. I didn’t really know I was depressed, I felt numb and found it hard to be creative. Drawing, which had been a life saver for me lost my interest. The political climate, pandemic, atrocities against people, general hate and my abscesses were a lot to handle in a quarantine keeping me even more isolated than before. I started microdosing again but made a plan to do a real deal journey when the sun came back to grace us again. The second time I did a macro dose called a “Heroic Dose” I cried a lot, tears that didn’t feel belonged to me fell intermittently down my face for hours and at the end I knew I needed to do a journey again in a few weeks.
My third journey on mushrooms, also a Heroic Dose, was different. I think they call it a Heroic Dose because you are choosing to face yourself with the mushroom guiding you the whole way. I would open my eyes and take a drink of water, the visuals kaleidoscopic, rugs morphing into faces and the mushroom whispering “Come back, this is a distraction. Down here is the real work.” I would close my eyes and be pulled into the depths, talking with my body, my tumor, myself. Feeling the connection of everybody “We are all connected, not to just the ones we love but also the ones we don’t want to be connected to.” The mushroom said. I had all sorts of feelings, some good and some fairly uncomfortable “There is no pleasure without pain.” I heard in my head. Morphing Mayan and Egyptian gods in bright colors played in my altered consciousness. “You are the medicine.” Said my fungi guide. This went on for a few hours and I was tenderly guarded by a dear person who sat quietly while I worked within.
The next day my body and spirit felt better, grounded and lighter. This was the day I had to do my air guitar video. The mushrooms help with creativity and this I can attest to, the ideas kept coming and with the help of good friends I got my video turned in right before deadline. The show is on Twitch this Saturday May 15th at 7pm PST if you want to watch the show. twitch.tv/usairguitar
On a different subject, my husband made a lovely memorial video for his sister:
I think that’s good for now, I need to have my husband attend to my wounds, talk about a hero, I am so grateful for my Charles.
Until next time ❤️