l had so many thoughts on what I was going to write about but then I forgot that I had a blog post due tonight and of course didn’t write down my brilliant ideas 🙄 I guess I will just have to wing it.
First of all I had an appointment with my oncologist on Friday where she discovered that my white cells were slightly elevated, something which she attributed to the cold I have been dealing with. Second of all, it’s kind of funny how none of the medical staff seems to be on high alert now, like I have been stable for years instead of months, I am not complaining, it’s just a weird shift going from intensely concerned looks to “Nah, I am sure you are fine” ones. I brought up all of the recent articles on cancer studies that had been sent to me, jokingly asking my doctor if she had been holding out on me but she denied this asking me to send her the articles which she basically fucked off with her sciencey lingo “This is not for you!” The message read.
I know my friends and family are happy I am doing so well but I wonder if they are just tired of worrying about me, maybe even feel I am all better now because the contrast from just over 5 months is drastic. After telling a friend I would probably have to forgo an event because it would be too crowded and potentially put me in danger of getting Covid they said “How many times can you get Covid?! 😳” I haven’t tested positive once and would like to maintain that streak…Who has two thumbs and still has tumors? This girl! Ha! I don’t like to come off as delicate but these last few years have proven that I physically can be a tad weak and it’s okay to acknowledge that, sometimes it is better to play it safe.
I have been seeing my dead brother in the faces of mildly sketchy people lately. I used to look for him when I thought he was alive, now that his death anniversary is coming I seem to be glimpsing reflections of him, not his face I last saw but a younger version. There is a part of me who misses who he could have been and maybe I will always search for my lost brother…It’s an interesting thought.
I enjoyed the last of my birthday festivities at a childhood favorite place, Enchanted Forest and the little Kara in me was so happy to finally be able to enjoy this magical little place that is nestled and winding in the woods outside of Salem, Oregon. It smelled the same yesterday as it did in 1975 and I crawled through the rabbit hole to emerge through an Alice In Wonderland keyhole even knowing that my knees would scream. The fact that I could go down the slides even if it was a bit gingerly was a miracle in itself. I am not cocky nor complacent but I really hope my health keeps getting better so I can do more things! I did have to lay on the couch when I got home but I do have to remember that I was minimally active for 3 years, to this body of mine I ran a fucking obstacle race for a couple hours straight!
My appetite has normalized I think, I don’t feel ravenous anymore, that being said I still have to be mindful about eating, sometimes I can go too long without and that isn’t good either, my sweet potato has gone cold so I could finish this. I have to stay the course even though the situation isn’t defcon 5 million, I have to take care of myself so I can still have fun as long as I get to be here.
Until next time ❤️