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I am the captain


When I checked into the cancer tower yesterday (that is indeed what it is called 😳) after jumping through several hoops like a fairly simple video game, one of the “Tony’s”, (there are at least 3, like the 80’s R&B group), asked me how I was doing. “I am disappointed in myself, my cancer is still here.” He jokingly replied, “Blame Dr. Li.” I immediately disagreed with him. “ I am the captain of the boat on this river, I take responsibility for this.” Tony laughed “What is Dr. Li?” Quickly I said “She is my....Udder.” We both knew what I meant but then I corrected myself “Wait...Not a cow tit! Oh my gawd! I mean a rudder. She helps navigate.”

I have a lot of affection for the people that work in this clinic but I would prefer not to be there for the reason I have to be. That being said, if you are in this situation, kindness, laughter and expertise is really nice and is a complimentary medicine to the big guns that are being administered.


As a Massage Therapist I would advise my own clients that they needed to facilitate their own healing as well, I could help them to do this but if they didn’t participate, well...I could only do so much. There is way more bang to your buck when you do your work, take the oars and captain your boat.

I didn’t sleep very well last night but I never do when I am hooked up to the portable chemo pump for 45 hours. I don’t feel too bad, cannabis helps immensely with the nausea and the stomach cramps that are some of the side effects. One of my cosmic sisters and number one hussy came by today to socially distance visit, it was nice. I made watermelon and strawberry juice...HIGHLY recommend and Congee with chicken bone broth paired with roasted golden beets and asparagus. I can’t feel too bad if I can cook!

Next week I find out about my new naturopathic protocol. I am facilitating my own healing, I am captaining the shit out of this boat, let’s see how it goes.


Until next time ❤️




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