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Here we go again.

I am typing this with my thumbs as I lay belly side down on a polyester sheeted vinyl mattress in the hospital once again.

A very high fever made me go to the ER a couple of days ago and after 6 hours (3 in the waiting room, 3 in an ER room) I was admitted. That night the computers went down and patients were laying on gurneys in the hallways. I discovered I had my first bladder infection. Of course that wasn’t all that they found...😳Duh duh duh dunnnnnn🙀

The abscess that they discovered the last time had gotten bigger, at least the right side had, apparently there was a wall in between the left and right side, so what does this mean? If you guessed a matching CT guided drain on the opposite ass cheek you sir or madam win the Formica dining room set and a years worth of Rice-A-Roni, thanks for playing, ugh 🙁

My oncologist visited me in the morning, she told me that she thought the tumor had grown a bit because we hadn’t done chemotherapy in 6 weeks and if we can’t get the chemo into my body without ending up in the hospital, there are some immunotherapy protocols she could potentially get me on that are not FDA approved but due to the nature of my chronic abscess infection, I could try. She spoke to me normally and in an upbeat, positive way. In the meantime I was to be saturated in IV antibiotics for a few days and given a new drain ASAP.

Last night a surgeon visited me “Hi, do you remember me? We met a year ago.” I did not remember him right off “If memory serves me right, you do air guitar...” I still struggled to remember. “ Your friend who you were with, was the world air guitar champion...You were going to beat him.” I did remember then, it was when I got my colostomy a year and a half ago. “Oh yeah! Ha! I haven’t beat him yet because there hasn’t been a World Championship since he won.” The surgeon wanted to check-in before I was to do my scheduled procedure the next morning. He let me know that the doctor who had done the procedure before was to do this next one. “He had kind hands but it was painful. I think I need more drugs.” Also “He was a handsome brown man.” 😳😳😳 The words slipped out of my mouth, I played it cool. “I will be sure to let him know you think he is handsome.” Thankfully the surgeon was amused but honestly, my filter is just broken these days. “Also Dr. Soandso (not their real name) will check in with you tomorrow.” Not a fan of “Dr. Soandso” I said “I like you better, can’t you come?” Now, I just sounded like a desperate, mildly racist pervert...Awkward. The next morning I was fetched for my procedure. They drugged me sufficiently thankfully, no pain is a win. Shortly after returning from my drain placement Dr. Soandso showed up, looked at the drain and my butt and proceeded to talk “The tumor is progressing, there are a bunch of abscesses, do you have any questions?” I just looked at them in what felt like a blank way “My oncologist and I discussed this. I have no questions.” They left shortly thereafter thankfully.

What I have discovered through this cancer process is that you will have supportive allies and you will have butt munches who want to be right. There are those in positions of authority who lack the imagination to see outside of their own experience and only want to press their own impressions on you, they think they know the end of your book and they will try and make you believe that there are no other options, tunnel vision is the prescription on their glasses and these people are not to be listened to in my opinion, not regarding anything other than their real expertise that they went to school for.” I wonder, in these situations, whether these people would treat loved ones in the same way as their patients...I am betting not.

I am doing okay right now, though I am a tad tired, sleeping is a challenge in a hospital. I better stop here for today.

Until next time ❤️

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