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He ain’t heavy, he’s my soul crushing feelings.

He, she, they....I am not sure how my feelings identify but whichever one on any given day I can agree that these feelings are up and down like a toddler on a trampoline. Well, not so up but at times not exactly low so I consider that a win. My right hip, low back, psoas muscle pain is slowly getting less painful everyday which is heartening and allows me to do small chores here and there, I even snaked the bathroom sink yesterday, success!!

It seems like it would be enough to have cancer to deal with but this endless quarantine and lack of our government helping people let alone U.S. citizens who are refusing to abide by distancing rules is really starting to get under my skin. Nobody knows how long they have to live but try and have a serious disease that was not so easily avoided as COVID 😳. I doubt anybody that would care enough to read my yammering isn’t already on board with this but in the off chance that is not the case, I beseech you to do better. I am not even trying to change how you think but maybe go along with the rules for a bit and see what happens. New Zealand did a full mandatory lockdown which was way more strict and now they don’t have to wear masks...Yeah, I know they are on an island and the population is smaller BUT if you wanted proof look it up yourself.

I am not getting chemotherapy this week due to my intermittent low-grade night fevers until I get a CT scan next week though my doctor is pretty confident that my cancer is stable. I like this information but I never put anything in the bank until the money is in my hand, that being said I am hopeful.

It‘s funny, I don’t feel horrible right now but I don’t feel totally well, it is a bit like what I imagine purgatory would feel like, a hopeful “meh” feeling with a mild suspicion that I am just kidding myself and am just lazy. I spend a lot of time thinking I could do more and berating myself for not doing so. When I finally motivate myself to unload and load the dishwasher I realize that maybe I am still actually immunocompromised, ha! I know maybe that sounds ridiculous but this is how I feel. I have walked on the treadmill a couple times this week so I consider that a few tiny steps in the right direction, small is okay as long as I can keep moving forward for the most part. Okay, I will stop doing my Eeyore impersonation and hopefully the next time I update my blog I will be feeling even better, it is something to shoot for.

Until next time. ♥️

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