Happy cancerversary to me!
Wow! It has been a year on Wednesday since my initial cancer diagnosis and what a year it has been. Dealing with the treatments and various surgeries has been hard but the love and support of my community has been a medicine that fortified me as well as my husband and kept us going during the really heavy times. I can never express my gratitude enough but I will certainly spend the rest of my life trying to.
(Check out this video Charles made to commemorate the 1 year Cancerversary.)
When you feel crappy all of the time you can start feeling like your job IS to feel crappy. When you start feeling better there can be a sense of “Holy crap...What am I supposed to to now, it seems like I might lose my job!” This is a good thing but also confusing, you want to plan to do something different but are you jinxing yourself? This is my conundrum, if you imagine me knocking on wood a lot you wouldn’t be wrong.
I am a fairly pragmatic albeit slightly superstitious person, if I am going to be dying in the near future I want to do that right, if I am going to live for awhile (my preferred option) I would like to do that right as well, it is the living or dying in uncertainty that tends to make me stop and hold on to the figurative rails, waiting for some kind of direction to guide me. I have realized that certainty in life is the illusion though, anyone can be here one minute and gone the next, it happens all of the time so really the answer is to live the life you have everyday the best way you can or some other greeting card sentiment.
Even though I am in a challenging state of mind, riding this wave of feeling good and waiting for several dozen shoes to rain from the sky, I have to celebrate not being miserable. I want to learn new things while I can without any firm attachment to an outcome, do it just because I want to and stop trying to skip to the end of my book to see what is going to happen, embrace the uncertainty, ride the wave...Blue crush it...I do love a good surfing movie or documentary AND it shows, ha!
Good news today for me is that my new surgeon removed the drain that had been in my butt wound for the last 5 months! I feel cautiously hopeful with a side of giddiness as I write this. I look forward to making some fun videos, organizing my house and feeling almost normal (knocking on wood).
Love to you 😘 Until next time♥️