This week I have 3 visits to the hospital scheduled, a CT scan, a new surgeon/butt wound visit (both of which I have done) and tomorrow will be the visit with my oncologist to discuss the results of the scan and my bloodwork. This would be a challenging week even without Covid-19 and the weird that goes with that.
I have been feeling fabulous so shouldn’t the test results validate that? I hate that I have to rely on experts to read tests or scans to then let me know how I SHOULD feel, it seems messed up and not at all allowing me to fully be present and happy in my newfound bodily joy BUT here I am, typing my angst with my thumbs because I have a blog post due for tomorrow. My new surgeon seems like a good fit, though I can’t help but try and wheedle some kind of encouragement or agreement that I am not a lost cause. I know by now it is futile to do this but I try anyway. I will say he did not go to the worst scenario at all and that was a distinct difference from my last surgeon, so I will take that as a win. You have to at least recognize these tiny victories.
Specialist appointments are really hard for me and I imagine a lot of other people who are going through similar difficulties might feel the same. Even after the better appointments I always have a period of time where I have to process the information and experience, there are usually tears and emo artwork, we all have our ways of coping and this is mine. Don’t worry, regardless of the information that I get tomorrow I will rally and still have fun as well as continue to make my silly videos in the future. Here is a video I made of myself before and after my hospital visit today. It isn’t silly or funny, just how I was feeling.
Until next time❤️