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Fear, it’s what’s for dinner

Welcome to my world! You have only been in quarantine since March, imagine living this way for almost a year and you would know how I feel. That may sound dramatic but it is true and I am certain that there are many people out there with other chronic illnesses that would read that statement and say “You think THAT‘S bad...” It could always be worse, consider yourself lucky if your main complaint is that you are bored. I start chemotherapy again next week. I haven’t been infused since early December and the break from that particular treatment has been nice. My life since the last sparkling infusion hasn’t been all rainbows and unicorns (if you need a recap of my adventures please Google “Butt Hard” and “Butt Hard With A Vengeance”) but still, even though it’s not my first cancer sponsored rodeo, I will admit that I am scared. I kind of forgot that I was most likely going to be doing this again... Picture a kid frustratingly kicking rocks, the thought bubble over the head reads “I don’t wanna!” That little kid is me.

It would be easy for me to just stop going to my doctor appointments, to stop being reminded that I have this particular problem, to stop sweating over test results but when has my life been particularly easy? Anyway you can’t unsee the truth once you glimpse behind the curtain. I wish I had magical ruby slippers and that this was all just a dream.

The cherry on my chemo cake is this COVID-19 Zombie pandemic situation. I am voluntarily compromising my immune system in a time where you don’t want to have a compromised immune system, according to Fox News, some douchebag politicians and people that want to bowl in the midst of this mysterious plague, I am expendable, which is a bit unnerving. That being said we are doing pretty well here, the hospitals are not overrun and less people than were anticipated have been hospitalized. The quarantine is working but we can’t afford to be complacent. We have come too far to not do this right.

All this being said, I do try and live my life above the fear and I hope you do too but sometimes it creeps in on me and I have to process it, thanks for listening.

Until next time ♥️

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