The title of this blog post popped into my head as I was walking my pit/lab dog Ruby Sue. I was listening to an audiobook called “Tripping Over The Truth” which is about the metabolic theory of cancer. I just started it but it is interesting and a lot to chew on so far. It made me think about my impending chemotherapy appointment on Wednesday and how I don’t really want to do this again, how I didn’t think I was going to have to, which made me also realize that because my tumors didn’t go away I feel like I have failed.
I have heard the phrase “Their heart failed.” or “Their poor body failed.” Something along those lines from movies and TV shows over the years, so why wouldn’t it make sense to feel that I have failed myself and those that believe in me? This is not to say that I am wailing at the sky and cursing god, (more like quietly sobbing while watching something mildly sentimental on Hulu, clutching my little pug as she snores obliviously.) Failure is a feeling that I think is valid and okay to have. We all fail at something sometime or times in our lives, what is important is what one does with that knowledge.
What am I going to do? I am going to start another round of chemotherapy this week with a clean eating regimen and a positive attitude. I am going to keep trying and hoping to heal my body in the various ways that resonate with me. I am going to enjoy feeling good when I feel good and not be too hard on myself when I don’t. Failure is always an option but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
Side note: Here is a fun video I did trying to replicate one of my air guitar heroes routines. I had fun doing this so that is all that matters!
Until next time ♥️