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Don’t be scared but I think I have a ghost in my pants.

This post is sponsored by that cannabis gummie I took before going to the infusion clinic...

Today is a “Sparkling Infusion” aka “Chemotherapy” day 3/6. The new cocktail I am being infused with is known on the street as “Oops I might actually crap my pants” or something more poetic than that. Fortunately having a front AND back butt in play minimizes any embarrassing potential accidents, however what I am experiencing is phantom back butt spasms...Yeah, you read that right...Basically I feel one in the chamber with a side of “Oh gawd, just get out of me already” urgency. If it sounds unpleasant you wouldn’t be wrong.

In September of last year I had a transverse loop colostomy. This is a procedure that diverts the colon to a butt-hole that is perched on the abdomen but also leaves everything else intact which makes for some really unusual sensations. When what is known as the ostomy or in my case “Klaus” is actively spewing forth what he likes to refer to as “scheisse” I actually feel the movement or peristalsis in my original poop shoot. Therefore, when my body takes on a side effect that someone with a non diverted colon would feel as diarrhea, my experience is the act of vomiting out the back end without the production value... It is like being a colorectal mime... A modern day and visceral “Shields And Yarnell”, if you don’t know that reference, congratulations, you are most likely not middle aged or above.

Other than this latest violently cramping symptom, I feel pretty good! If I can reign in the discomfort I may even be able to mow my lawn tomorrow, though I will still be actively receiving chemo through the pump I wear for 45 hours. When I think about where I was last year I have to be grateful to not be in the physical misery that I was in. I feel more alive today then I did even months ago. My goal is to continually feel better, I think it is possible.

Until next time ❤️

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