Dear My Butt, You’re my abscession

Two abscess surgeries in a one month period can really mess with a mind. I have been trying to puzzle out my health for almost 4 years now, changing my diet, practicing mindfulness, seeing all the practitioners. What I have done and who I have worked with has certainly helped but I have not been able to crack my code. Apparently my rectal tumor has a mind of its own and is independent of the liver tumors which are shrinking, it has decided to be a huge jerk and cause some issues in my tissues. I think of my cancer cells not as monsters but as confused little jabronies that don’t know any better, that is what they are, they are my own cells that are not quite right. So how do I deal with this? I would rather think of them this way rather than Freddy Kruegers inside of me. I have had conversations with them or better yet, at them but maybe I have not got the message through to them which is, WE are not going to get out of this alive if they cannot slow their roll. It is a fact that we all have cancer cells in our body, we are indeed born with some but give them an environment that is out of balance and they can go nuts. I will keep trying to balance my system as well as talk to the jabronies and I will also encourage my healthy cells to do their jobs too, they listen way better than the cancer for sure. Along with self talk I am going to continue to do all of the things alternative, western medicine, air guitar, drawing and I don’t know what but the point is to keep moving forward until I can’t. I am my own experiment. I am essentially what I wanted to be as a child, a mad scientist, ha! It has been a long two days for me and I need to chill out. Until next time ♥️