Due to some physical issues that popped up, I am going to give my unpacking of my mom a rest for a bit. I had said there may be healing in doing so but sometimes things get worse before they get better and at this point I have to work on getting a tad stronger, though I fully intend on finishing what I started. It was really interesting how I began feeling bad as I pulled out the memories and made some really ugly ones public for anybody to see. Then I re aggravated my right glute (which can be muscular or an abscess, you can get really paranoid about symptoms in your body when you have cancer). The fever started 2 days ago, right after I posted my second blog post in the series and then the excessive ooze started pouring out of my back butt.
At 3:25 am I woke up drenched in sweat and my fever was gone, night sweats can be an indication of an abscess as well but I will let my doctor know what is going on and go from there. If I look at this from an energetic baggage point of view I could see that my fever is my body trying to rid itself of an intruder, I have in a sense carried my mom and her traumas in my body my whole life, yes she is my mother and of course I love her but I only have room in this body for my own stuff. It is kind of like kicking out a roommate that is no longer welcome so they are really gonna fuck up the place before they finally leave. I am sure my child self plays a role as well, she is definitely having a bit of a temper tantrum and throwing her toys in anger at me trying to shift this dynamic, she is scared of change and the possibilities of the unknown... Isn’t that messed up? I think this happens with a lot of people, choose what you are used to even if it is shitty because you know what to expect, positive change can be terrifying, which is a pretty obvious statement if you listen to people talk about their fears about political and policy changes in regards to our country, often shooting themselves in their own foot because it is easier to say no then to take a chance.
The more one wants things to stay the same the more those things or ideas stagnate and essentially can become diseased. Progress is movement and sometimes the direction is the wrong one but there is great learning in failure. This is how I go forward with my health but it definitely applies to our country I believe.
Anyway, I feel better, I hope you do too.
Until next time ❤️