Updated: Jun 11
I have been riding the low train to Inthedumpsville for a hot minute, life feels extra crispy in the worst way and this is not my usual state of being, this is new. That being said I feel it is a collective frosting on my dry muffin (not sure why I am talking like a really bad version of Andrew “Dice” Clay, I am not even high and I feel a dirty limerick coming on, yo!) My back is jacked which is new, like that kid show from the 70’s, “Land Of The Lost,” one thing leaves and another enters, YO! (Picture me smoking a cig, arm wrapped around my head, here comes the John Travolta impression...Kara “Dice” Picante is hilarious!) My inspiration for this blog episode comes directly from the Hulu docuseries about The Comedy Store in LA apparently, good show despite my weird impression of it. I realized tonight that I haven’t been very nice to myself, it was just a behavior that creeped in, fueled by my disappointment in my body, which isn’t fair. When I used to do massage, if my clients said bad things about their bodies I would make them apologize to whatever part they thought had done them wrong, I really did this and I believe in it, so here I go, I am going to apologize right here and you can witness it:
Dear My Body,
Just when I started liking you, started feeling good about you...Well, I felt you betrayed me. You were so strong and I realize I took that for granted, I didn’t value you like I should have. I told others to be grateful for their bodies but I am always better at taking care of others, that came easy for me, I was raised to do that as well as taught that loving myself was selfish, not intentionally but that is what I picked up on and it stuck. So here I am, still mad at you as you struggle to heal. I have been kicking you while you were down because you didn’t get your shit together in 6 months, you made us have surgeries, I have a butt on the front because of you! How the fuck are we going to survive a zombie apocalypse now?! Okay...Okay, I feel your sadness as I write this, I feel the grief and I know that is bad enough without me being your ally, you see me helping others while you have struggled alone for so long. Don’t get me wrong, I know we have had our moments where we were in sync, a team even. Like any good marriage it is something we need to work at, so I am telling you right now that I see you, I feel you and I am going to really try and honor and support you AND....This is the most challenging, love you. I am sorry, can we start again?
My pug Fiona cleared up a beaver controversy, check it out! Also if you feel so compelled, please subscribe to my YouTube channel, I just want to break 20 subscribers, ha!
Until next time❤️