This whole cancer situation makes me feel like the Mario in a game of Donkey Kong. These fucking barrels keep flying at me, thrown by a jerk cancer ape and I keep jumping over each one thrown my way. I used to really love that game when I was a kid.
The latest barrel coming down the ladder is radiation. In order for the abscess on my butt to get fully better the doctors want to zap the rectal tumor which has encroached on the area that is infected and not fully healing. The protocol recommended for me is one that primarily has been used in Europe for such cases, 5 treatments in 5 consecutive days which I kind of like vs The American “Kill ‘em all really hard” philosophy, I mean, I really want to keep as many parts of me as intact as possible which is more challenging than you might think. There is no ideal place that one wants radiated BUT the pelvis, the keeper of ones naughty bits...Shudder...Anyway, it COULD be worse but this is my reality right now.
I look forward to a time when I can remember what I have navigated, hopefully from an Island in Greece or a sauna in Finland. Until then I have to live in the present which sometimes means a day of intermittent crying on a couch covered with my prone, exhausted body and little snorting dogs. Also, I can every so often, do something fun and unexpected like the Offbeat Bellydance performance I did days before my second abscess surgery or the upcoming air guitar competition on April 3rd that I am preparing for. It is important to still be able to do and look forward to the fun things in the midst of all the murky unknown, I believe that applies even when not dealing with a debilitating illness. I sometimes have to remind myself of this as well.
Until next time ❤️
The second song in my 3 song Offbeat Bellydance performance in January 2020.
Personal Jesus by Marilyn Manson.
Video courtesy of Guy Masson