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Absolutely NOT an absolutist

Updated: Jun 8, 2023

I had a follow-up appointment with my surgeon today which induced mild hysteria and anxiety in me similar to my dogs when I take them to the vet. I will admit something that may sound really weird to some people, I dread any kind of surgical intervention more than my cancer. As a Massage Therapist I have worked with tons of people over my 20 year career that have had many surgeries and would not hesitate to have another if they thought it would "fix" them. I on the other hand do not really care for that word or that attitude in regards to body and health. I feel that surgery should be more of a last resort after every other less invasive action has already been eliminated. Between anesthesia complications, foreign objects such as a clamp or a sponge being accidentally left in the body, possible infection, death, wrong procedure...(Side note: At my last abscess surgery, the nurse asked me what I was having done and where it was, I have been told they do this to make sure I know what is happening and to make sure THEY also know what is happening...This is NOT reassuring when you are an hour away from complete surrender and oblivion). I would choose most ANYTHING else if it was a viable option. That being said I have had 3 surgical interventions since September of 2019 and though I have to admit the colostomy, though quite traumatic in so many ways, gave me some life back, surgery will most likely not be my first and foremost choice ever. My surgeon is really good, knowledgeable and has a genuine caring nature but she can’t help reminding me of what COULD happen, of which I am already acutely aware. Yes, down the road the tumors may grow instead of shrink, yes, I may have this cancer until I am no more, yes, I may have to have some really invasive surgery that requires the sewing up of my ass hole and a huge abdominal flap to be put god knows where, YES! I FUCKING KNOW, OKAY?! Sorry, there goes that dog/vet hysterical energy again. Anyway, I get that any of these things can happen but also I truly believe that they may not, that it is possible to heal from this, other people have healed from far more dire situations, the stats that are always 5 years old agree too, a 1%-5% chance, I will take those odds and see what I can do with that...Can I get a Kong filled with ice cream and cannabis now?! 🤪

On a way more fun and lighter note, I had the opportunity to go to a cool Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure inspired burlesque show of which my good friend, who is also the National as well as World Air Guitar Champion, was hosting a mini air guitar competition at the intermission of which I happened to win. Here is the video. Until next time ❤️

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