So I wrote a whole blog post, bumped the screen and erased it...The WHOLE thing! I decided to accept my neighbors’ invitation to come visit and smoke a little weed and now I am back, attitude adjusted and thumbs ready to write this thing as I wait for Charles to attend to my butt wound. Losing my whole blog post is a perfect example of how life is not static, not permanent, there are no guarantees. Live life while you can but do so without a solid attachment to an outcome, that is my motto. Still, it doesn’t mean my head didn’t explode a little bit when the screen blanked out, ha!
When I was first diagnosed with cancer it could have been easy to give up. When specialists are treating you like a middle aged dead girl walking, telling you to not have hope and to get your affairs in order it can be a little deflating. That being said I do have a bit of an issue with authority and I can be a tad rebellious, therefore I am doing the opposite of what my doctors had originally advised me to do as far as attitude, I keep moving forward with hope, my life, my body, my choice, don’t ever let anyone dictate how you should feel, that is my attitude.
I have had incredible lows even before my diagnosis and once I started getting treatment I did start feeling better but it was cyclical. A low would usually hit me after I had a good day or two. 3 surgeries later and radiation to boot I actually had two really good days, I will say that I felt almost normal and not sick! I felt joy in my body, a feeling that I have not felt for so long, I noted this feeling, a virtual place marker reminding myself that this is possible.
Today I was tired, definitely a side effect from the radiation but it could have been way worse and I know how good I CAN feel. This I hold onto, the possibility of feeling good again, whether for an hour, a day or longer. My future is unknown but than again so is yours, let’s live the best life we can while we are here, deal?
Be kind, rewind. Until next time ❤️