What do you write about when everything that is happening is unseen and unheard?

Updated: Aug 3

Just a thought I am having as I write this blog post…A post about writing a post, so meta, “Alex, I will take “What a Gen Xer would do” for $100.”

For reals though, I take this task seriously, writing blog posts twice a week for almost 2 years has become my job and my responsibility, at least the only one I have had since succumbing to the cancer adventure that I am on now. I want to make sure there is value in my blabbering, I don’t now nor do I ever want to waste anyone’s time.

Time, let’s talk about that.

In between the roller coaster of test results and doctor appointments there is “time,” lots of it though never enough and often it doesn’t seem to be right. My mind is always moving, even when no words are forming. My brain runs programs, thoughts, ideas, dreams, regrets, memories. It’s what I imagine living in purgatory must feel like. It is frustrating to not be able to skip to the end of the chapter to see what has happened, to wait, to lay immobile, the quirky cells complying or not complying, who’s to know?

I turn my blog post into beat poetry because I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what anyone wants to hear outside of the gory details. This being said, I will keep yammering but if anyone has a question, please don’t hesitate to ask.

I was approved for immunotherapy by the Pharma company so now I wait for a call and an appointment to set this new treatment up. I am nervous but at the same time kinda “meh.” This is not to say that I am not hopeful, it’s just another attempt at prolonging my life until I am cured, the ultra marathon continuing, praying to not get the bends or whatever that is that makes one publicly shit themselves.

Can you tell that I am still dosing RSO? Week 4 starts tomorrow and I am at a gram every two days, my tolerance is getting better, though far from capable of operating heavy equipment. If a baby can do this 😬

Until next time❤️

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