I saw my surgeon on Thursday and he agrees that I indeed have an abscess brewing and surgery is most likely imminent but up to me to determine when I want to schedule it. I was not surprised to hear this information but it didn’t stop my heart from sinking below my feet and tears to build up behind my face…Shit.
“Just let me know when I am going in for another round of Whack-A-Mole” said my surgeon to which I replied “Not Whack-A-Mole, let’s call it The Tail Of The Dragon, instead of suggesting this will happen again and again let’s think of this as the end potentially instead of endless.” He made some joke about me acquiring a dragon tattoo and then sent me on my way…Again…Shit.
It’s easy to make light of a situation when it’s not happening to you or maybe it’s not, maybe it’s a way to try and make it feel easier than it is but I am a bit sad about this, what feels like a bodily failure once again. Now, I know that healing looks different on everyone and roads are never straight and often riddled with detours and u-turns but all runners have a crisis moment at some point in a marathon and this is no different…Shit.
“I agree with your surgeon.” Said my wound care doctor, informing me that this would be a good time to have the procedure, as hyperbaric therapy can stimulate healing, “Maybe this will make you heal better over all.” SHIT…Okay, valid point.
I am now waiting to hear when I am to have abscess surgery and I am a little extra tired, whether that be normal exhaustion from my life feeling extra busy or the added burden from the extra ooze that is seeping out of me and the PTSD from 6 months of hospitalization and surgery that I went through a year and a half ago. Truthfully, I am a little sad with a side of scared…I know it could be way worse.
Shit.
Until next time ❤️