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The inside of me.

My sleep has been pretty bad for the last couple of weeks, I hate it when I can’t sleep. I spend a lot of time making up stories for what is happening inside of my body. I have developed a new pattern where the pressure mounts, slowly increasing until I feel a specific unease in my brain, it almost makes me feel crazy, like I want to run away from myself like a wild animal from their pain. Eventually the pressure shifts after an hour or so of full body rocking under and on top of heating pads and I fall asleep, only to wake up drenched in sweat and then after a little bit more unconsciousness I feel better for a few hours until the cycle starts again. I am exhausted.

Even with all of this physical madness I officially started my new part time job today. I think I am going to really like it once I feel better. I called my surgeon though, I think I need him to clean out the abscesses again, this round is not coming out like the few before… Sometimes it’s okay to get help even though I prefer it when my body does it on its own,

I was advised that they have picked a new trial for me. I have no information yet but I see my doctor on Friday.

I have been on my couch since I got home at 4 pm, this makes me feel lame but I have to rest, how delicate I have become…I used to be able to do so many things in a day if I wanted but now I can’t do that, I have to be mindful and intentional…So annoying.

I can’t wait to feel better again. I look forward to having gas in my tank again instead of my guts.

Until next time ❤️

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