Oops, I did it again.
I take RSO at night which is a cannabis edible made specifically for people with cancer. It is very anti inflammatory and it will make you incredibly high, which I was when I realized I forgot to write a blog post yesterday.
I have been feeling better, still no fever but I have felt really tired. Laying around and intermittently napping has been what I have been doing. I wonder if this is my body doing the deep healing as I drag myself to another resting spot. In these cases one always wonders.
The drains look good, as far as that kind of thing goes, the goo is changing color, reflecting an absence of infection as I lay around and wait for my body to do something different. I look forward to moving around unfettered and with ease, I think about my life and what it is going to look like, I struggle to stay in the present at these times when presumably nothing is happening. Lately I have felt a bit numb, I have been struggling to feel interest or joy in things that generate those feelings, I wonder if this is what my depression looks like, a more pronounced “meh” feeling as I literally lay unmoving. Don’t worry, my plan is not to stay in this place but it is helpful to share this state of mind, to try and work myself out of this maze of blah. The experience of chronic illness can be incredibly tedious and somewhat boring, I look forward to a time when people don’t start a conversation with “How’s your butt?”
Thats all I have today as I struggle to just get these words out of my head. I am hoping to feel a bit better soon, we shall see.
Until next time❤️