My world is a jello mold.
I had no energy today. It got better, upgrading to enough oomph to incrementally vacuum my living room. Luckily for me I had the latest season of The Housewives Of Beverly Hills keeping me company as I lay immobile, randomly checking social media and then switching to the constant bickering of these rich women. I haven’t had any fevers but more sludgy goo is oozing out of all of my wounds, more concentrated than I have ever seen. Is this because of the phage therapy? I wonder and I hope so. All of what I am experiencing is nothing I have ever dealt with before. I try to maintain an interest rather than fear, it is fascinating what can come out of your body, I often feel like a character in a Cronenberg film, unfortunately I can’t just turn the movie off if it gets to be too much.
Tomorrow I have an appointment to talk about radiation. This is not something I want to do ideally but I have to think strategically, it helped last year. Before I was diagnosed with cancer I said I would never do any of these western medicine treatments, I struggle with this still, am I doing the right thing? I have to set my mind to “Yes, I AM doing the right thing for me right now.” If you embrace a treatment and view it as helpful, the outcome has a better chance of being positive. Often well meaning people will refer to such treatments as toxic or poison, this is not helpful. Hopefully by the time they find themselves in a similar situation as me there will be even more therapies available that have less potential side effects but until then, honestly, be supportive or shut the fuck up. Words are so important, I have said it before and I will say it again, when someone is dealing with a challenging situation and their life is literally on the line, if they decide they are going to try and beat the odds and you want to be helpful, be supportive, be a cheerleader and don’t try and dampen their hopes regardless of how daunting it seems. Hope is not a bad thing, hope is a supplement that can keep a person going if they want to.
Until next time ❤️