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My Ass vs The 100 Foot Wave


Not surfing.

This may be the point of my blog post where you might think “But Picante, what does surfing 100 foot waves have to do with cancer?” 😳 Well, let’s talk about my experience with nerve pain…


The first time I felt the sensation, a feeling I can only imagine is like a dry socket after wisdom tooth removal if said wisdom tooth was in my butt, I felt like a wild animal trying to hide in the forest from imminent danger…I didn’t say this is a reasonable feeling, it is a primeval urge, the consistency of the pain less furious and more torturous in that Guantanamo water boarding kind of way, a nagging, mildly burning ache that scratches the chalkboard of the mind. When this occurs I have discovered that furious full body rocking is the only thing (along with Advil) that will eventually lull my body’s response, my own 100 foot wave of pain. Isn’t that interesting? Waves of water vs waves of nerve pain, how is this similar? I can only speak from my imagination as I have never surfed in real life. Like a wave of water the pain slowly builds, increasing height with distance traveled and topography tripped, this is where I hunker down on my proverbial surfboard, toes digging in as I aim myself through the tube, the wave finally shrinking as the relief of not being pummeled allows me to physically relax for a moment. Bracing for the next 100 footer as I keep surfing/rocking my body, the waves eventually get smaller until there is calm.


As I have been feeling better my wounds have been healing and nerves are slowly reforming. Another episode of ”Healing Is Hard” starring the Olsen Twins as Small town veterinarians with dreams of being jet pilots. My wound care nurse witnessed one of these rocking episodes, I was embarrassed but hoping she could figure out how to help. So, Gabapentin it is, a fairly safe medication with none of those side effects that I don’t want to deal with. It feels a little bit like a lose, I really try and minimize the pharmaceuticals but you use the tools that are available so here I am.


Wednesday I get my second immunotherapy dose, so far so good but I am cautious, I am quietly optimistic, the volume is at a 2 so I can barely hear it as it whispers about the prospect of miracles that I pretend to ignore.

I am still here so I might as well try… Random thought and funny epitaph:


She tried.


Until next time❤️






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Tired but not defeated.

I was notified recently that I was being dumped from Medicaid to Medicare. If you don’t know, Medicaid covers most medical expenses and Medicare is a bit more problematic. Like most government run pro