I haven’t had a fever in 5 days! Today is number 6 and no fever has presented itself thus far after months of nightly low grade to a little on the high side temperatures. I can’t help but think this is because of the trial drug I am on, I also can’t help feeling a little excited about this. My potential abscess feels less abscess-y as well, along with an increase in my energy. I am not saying I could dance in an all night rave but I am capable of accomplishing a couple of chores in a day without completely emptying my tank for the next 3 days. I am also seeing tissue come out of me again, what I think of as tumor chunks (I know, gross BUT fascinating, at least to me) which I haven’t seen since the last time I was on chemotherapy. I entertain the thought of my cancer going away completely despite what my initial prognosis was, though this may be a dream there is no harm in entertaining the idea and why not? Though I accept the fact that western medicine deems my care as “palliative” I don’t have to set my hopes on fire even though some of the medical community looks at hope in cases such as mine as almost a bad thing, a girl, even an old one like me, can and will dream of a future without these tumor like anvils in her body. I have probably recommended it before but the book “Love, Medicine And Miracles” by Bernie Seigel, a surgeon if you can believe it, is about this sort of thing, I highly recommend it in both traditional book and audiobook, it’s beautiful and relevant even though it was written in the 80’s, I have read it twice so far.
I have been watching this quirky show on Hulu called “Baskets” that I heard of after learning that the comedian Louis Anderson died. In the show he plays Zach Galifianakis’ mother and in such a sweet way. Weirdly the character reminds me of my late mother-in-law Cheryl who was more a dear friend to me than anything, it really makes me miss her…She would really hate that I would be reminded of her by Louis Anderson but he plays the roll so beautifully, I never realized how truly talented he was and I am grateful to him for reminding me of Cheryl even though it hurts my heart a bit to remember I can’t call her like I used to or hear her cat call me out of her kitchen window as I would walk by (she lived 2 blocks away from us.) This somewhat semi-retired living makes a lot of time for me to miss my people that are no longer here, none of us gets off of this planet alive but I sure wish some would have stuck around a bit longer.
Until next time ❤️