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Is it the rain or my tears?

Updated: Mar 23

As the rain pummeled the roof I thought “Isn’t this appropriate?” We had just gotten home after leaving our little pug girl, her body no longer useful to her at the animal hospital, full of life no more. I knew this day was coming but not this fast, you can never be ready to say goodbye even though you know someday you will have to.

Fiona Marie Muir 12/25/2008-5/27/2021

I got the call late October of 2009 “So, we have a pug girl who needs a foster home...” I met the owner, she was sad but could not handle this high energy ball of tiny fur. Fiona’s eyes bugged out, one eye cocked at a strange angle. I took her home, penned her into my kitchen and told her “You have a face only a mother could love.” Confident she could not win my heart, we already had our two pug mixes, they were enough! She started weaseling her way into Charles’ heart, so excited when he came home from work, his face would soften and he would coo sweet nothings at her as she demanded his attention. When the woman who was going to adopt her changed her mind I asked Maria, who had started Pacific Pug Rescue, “Well, I guess we can adopt her now, right?” Maria tried to convince me not to, they needed fosters but I assured her we could still do that with 3 furry terrors 😳🙄. literally after the papers were signed and donation was handed over, Fiona picked me as her number 1, she totally played us, ha! She was my girl, demanding attention and treats. Though she did have a “chubbles” period, she was fit most of her life and was told she could have been an agility pug. Fiona was the inspiration of the children’s book “Fiona Plays With Her Beaver” which I was fortunate to be able to re illustrate while she kept me company as I was going through my own health struggles. Fiona was a vixen, all the dog boys would try and dominate her but she would not tolerate it, a feminist she was for sure. She starred in the Youtube sleeper hit “Fiona Is The Martian” along with her boyfriend Iggy Sancho, a spoof based on the movie “The Martian” starring Matt Damon. Fiona lived for food, snuggles and her stuffed animals, most notably her beaver and her lamby. Shortly after Iggy died last year, Fiona started losing the use of her hind limbs, when the legs became completely useless a few months ago, she would still insist on dragging herself after me or Charles if he had food (he was the sucker that would give her scraps.) Yesterday she didn’t eat all of her breakfast and had a far away look, like the one Iggy had the day he died...I had a feeling this was it but hoped maybe it was just a bladder infection. Her eyes that followed me everywhere even when her body couldn’t, were looking at something I couldn’t see with my own. She snapped out of that fog and we snuggled quite a bit yesterday and I shared my dinner, giving her most of the meat, this was a treat, I was not a sucker like Charles and she ate everything I gave her. This morning she didn’t eat all of her breakfast again and she couldn’t hold herself up on her front legs. We took her to our vet at 10am this morning. When Dr. Stephanie came outside she was weeping “I think it’s time, she has a fever, is straining to breathe...” Something along those lines but I trust this woman, a gifted and empathetic animal doctor, we are so lucky that Fiona was able to get in to her. We agreed to euthanasia and they set up a room with a bed on the floor and candles, as it should be. Charles and I laid down with our fur baby, kissing her and telling her what a good girl she was “Fiona, please come into our dreams.” I said, both of us leaking tears and intermittent sobs. Dr. Stephanie sat on the floor with us, stroking Fi and waiting for us to tell her when. As the first shot was pushed into her catheter I felt the energetic weight lift and Fiona was out of her body before the plunger stopped, before the second shot. She had been ready, though we never really ever would be. She looked like she was sleeping and we loved on her a little more before leaving her little body in the room.

The price to be paid for the joy of getting to share a life with our pets... “pet” is such a small word for how much they can mean to a person...Fiona is, was, will always be family and though she will live in our hearts until they stop beating, she will be sorely missed. I am glad she is free of her earthly issues and look forward to seeing her again in our dreams.

Until next time ❤️

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