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Holidays mixed baggage gobble, gobble, blergh

Thanksgiving has never been my favorite. Even before the real story of the pilgrims and Christopher Columbus came out (I know these are separate things but equally problematic.) As a child of divorce I often attended at least two full dinners of which I was expected to eat...Fully. Now, I am not claiming abuse or anything regarding this but back in my childhood I was expected to clean my plate and being the eager to please child I was, I did this...Can someone say chubby, ha! My mom was always competitive "I'm a better cook than your grandma, huh?!" She would expectantly wait for my confirmation but honestly I didn't really have a strong feeling on this. I disliked having to be careful not to hurt feelings, primarily my mother's. It was unfortunate that my paternal grandma and mom didn't like each other, even more so that neither hid it from the little kid that was me. My paternal grandpa usually cooked but Thanksgiving my grandma took over, being Norwegian (her parents literally came off of a boat) I looked forward to krumkake (a delicious light weight butter cookie), this and trolls were the only thing I picked up from that culture but it's what I got. Anyway, Thanksgiving has always been a mixed bag for me. Later as an adult, when we moved into our house I hosted a few myself and usually some drama happened, people get fucking weird, so I stopped. For years I just stopped hosting or going anywhere and it was liberating. I made a one pot meal and we watched movies, it was such a relief. After Charles' mom died we started celebrating with his cousins and that was nice. I realized this day didn't have to be stupid. When I used to work at the airport Thanksgiving was the worst week to be there, people downright took their frustration out on whomever, it was crazy but a great study in humans and resentful obligation...It's just not worth it, I won't do that anymore, life is too short.


I do like Thanksgiving for one reason besides mashed potatoes and gravy. This day reminds me of all of the people, pets and circumstances that I am grateful for, truly. Though I run through a gratitude list pretty often (yes, I am aware of how hokey that sounds) as one gets older, loved ones and friends die or drift away for one reason or another, it's inevitable but if you can remember and give thanks for whatever or whomever, the heart expands and stretches, filling with warmth...(Don't believe me? Try it.) I think it helps heal a person and make one feel not so lonely.


We are going to practice playing music with Charles brother this go around, something different and fun.


I hope you have had a lovely day.


Until next time ❤️

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