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Dreaming of a beach

I am not going to lie. As much as I love someone, if I see a foot pic featuring the PDX airport carpet or frolicking beach pics splattered across the social media’s I kind of despise them for a minute, a rage born of envy. It seems so easy for a “regular” person to just pick up, poo poo the pandemic rules and assault my senses with their easy life. Of course this is unreasonable and ultimately I am glad anyone can do anything these days, though side note: I hope they do so with consideration of Covid protocols.

My low grade fevers are back, though they seem to be staying low, so that’s good. I have napped a bit today, I am still dragging from all of the antibiotics I have been on. I finished the last round of two different kinds and now I am on one antibiotic indefinitely, not ideal but this is the strategy. Healthcare is often not healthy at all but sometimes poison can be medicine, you do what you think might give the best chance of success...What would that be for me? At this point, not having any fever would be a win and my butt wounds healing as the abscesses disappear...THAT would be bliss! My ultimate goal is complete obliteration of the cancer but I will celebrate any improvement that will allow me to do things again with not as much effort. The more drains stuck in me, the less ease I have in movement, I feel like I am half Lovecraftian monster at times with all of my rubbery tentacles, sloppy pajamas and unruly hair that hasn’t seen scissors in over 7 months.

Though perhaps I am perceived as a monster from another dimension I just don’t care what people think. You may see me sunning myself on my front porch face down on concrete, avert your eyes if I offend as I lay there coaxing my body to calm down their cells, it is time to knock off the shenanigans and get to healing, I have a beach to go to...One of these days.

Until next time ♥️

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