A few weeks before Kara sparkled on, a close friend came to visit. On his last day, before he left for his flight, he sat with her on the edge of her hospital bed and talked with her. I didn't hear what they said from where I stood, but I did catch one thing she told him, nearly in tears: "I don't want to be forgotten."
As far as I am aware, that is the only time she said that to anyone as her body began to wear out on her. Unless I'm mistaken about her words or heard them out of context... whatever the case may be, I can't stop thinking about this moment, real or imagined. I can't stop thinking of my wife being worried that her loved ones would forget about her. I think that's partly why I lift the Picante flag and continue to carry it. I'm afraid she'll be forgotten because of what she said, or what I think she said, to a friend. It's not rational on my part, I know, but I see this fear as an opportunity to continue to create and connect through her body of work.
Speaking of connection: She is the medicine.
During one of her more potent magic mushroom journeys, that is what her mushroom guides told her: "YOU ARE THE MEDICINE." I believe Kara was quite giddy upon receiving this revelation. She hadn't even been getting cancer treatment for a year before she was looking around the infusion room wanting to "be free" of her cancer so she could return and coach patients through their journeys with her empathy and experiences in the same scary white space. Whether through massage, art, dance, attentive listening, freakishly intuitive feedback on deeply personal issues, or simply her ability to be charming, she wanted to make people around her feel better.
She is the medicine.
Now I want to bottle up some of that medicine and make it available to a broader audience.
Sometime this year, I will be self-publishing a book by Kara... INDOMITABLE: HOW I ROCK WITH STAGE 4 CANCER. A compilation of her blog writings with editorial touches by me, this elixir of loving, glittering, rock 'n' roll fearlessness covers her first two years of cancer treatment, with emphasis on her views of the medical establishment, holistic healing, creativity, and attitude when the experts say you can't be cured and the culture thinks you are "terminal," aka done. This book is chemo pumps, mushrooms, glitter, hearts, air guitar, and muscle, all swirling around in a formula of self-discovery and personal empowerment, intimate, uncensored, hopeful, and all Kara.
Watch for more news of INDOMITABLE here.
Until next time.
--Charles Austin Muir
P.S.--I'm on a podcast! It's called Writers Not Writing, and it's hosted by Not a Pipe publisher and author, Benjamin Gorman. We talk about "the inspiration of Kara Picante, experimental short films, and butt stuff," as well as stir up the outrage machine. You can find it on Spotify, Apple, and other online platforms. Here's where to find it free on Spotify: