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Test anxiety

My phone rang this morning “Hi, I am calling to get your CT scan scheduled before your appointment next week…” This was news to me as usually routine tests are discussed with me beforehand, surprise tests make me even more anxious and I will admit, I lost my mind a little bit as my next appointment isn’t even with my oncologist. I asked the scheduler if this was a routine test or something more ominous, she assured me that she would call me back with that info. When I received the second call she told me that it was routine so I asked to put off the test another week so that we could enjoy Xmas. My appointment was indeed scheduled for the following week but then I just read the answer to my fevered inquiry to my doctor “We actually have a potential good clinical trial for you. So we discussed your case, we would like to have a scan to see if you can qualify for the trial.” 😳 Helpful information that would have been good to know before I left my body momentarily (I have the worst test anxiety, the one issue that has not been helped by mushrooms…Note to self, start microdosing asap!) I hope I didn’t screw things up…Will find out tomorrow hopefully.


I have been doing a series on TikTok regarding living with stage 4 cancer, yesterday I posted part 8. It has been good for me to do this, remembering where I have been and what I have done over the last 2 years and 7 months, especially in these times of the in-between, I am not so bad but not awesome and not much is happening nor accessible to do in these pandemic laden days. The latest video is regarding the Mad Max Fury Road photo shoot we did shortly after my colostomy surgery, a really good memory and a reminder to myself of some of the things that have kept me going. It is easy to forget the truly cool things I have experienced when my world gets dark and cold, I imagine I am not alone in thinking this.




Until next time ❤️



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