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State of suspended animation

Updated: Jan 21, 2022

Not much going on here as I wait to (hopefully) start the trial next Monday. I feel mildly permeated with a general state of malaise as I don’t feel too bad but I don’t feel inordinately good either. I have a shit ton of projects that I can work on but instead I focus on eating, soaking my butt in apple cider vinegar baths, resting, watching the worst shows available on streaming…(Sister Wives is the train wreck I didn’t know I needed) and worrying about weird sensations in my body. I feel overwhelmed as I basically do the bare minimum keeping track of my protein ingestion and trying to keep my two butt wounds as dry as possible, randomly keeping up on the dishes and thumbing through TikTok videos. Still, I want to be here and I want to feel better, I know this funky feeling is not permanent or at least I hope it isn’t, it’s hard to be all sunshine and rainbows when the sky is grey and the temperature is bitterly cold in my bones, I remind myself of this when I dip into the dismal.

My next test is an eye exam on Wednesday, I will be apprehensive of all tests until I have passed them all in order to officially start the trial.

On a more positive note my yeast seems to be waning quite a bit, after months and months (I had never experienced a yeast infection before) I imagine it may take a bit more time as I avoid excessive sugar, dairy and bread, the brownies in my fridge beckon to me but I haven’t given in yet.

Until next time ❤️

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