Every year family members on my husbands side gather at a cemetery not too far from where we live. I have been going to this event off and on, probably since Charles’ dad died in a fatal car crash in 2001, he doesn’t have an official plot but we stuck some of his ashes with his own father. Sometimes there is a potluck after, sometimes not but the ritual is the same, people bring flowers out of their yards and fill the supplied vases by the grave stones, brushing the dirt off of the granite, catching up with each other and reminiscing a bit, retelling good tales and including our dead in our jokes, we toast with wine before we leave. I know some of these people personally and imagine them under our feet shaking their heads as they roll eyes at our same stories but happy that someone remembers them. I don’t think you have to visit the place where a body is eternally resting in order to honor or remember them, though I enjoy this bitter sweet family ritual. The crowd over the years has dwindled to a small group, some of whom have been planted beneath our feet. Charles’ cousin Brian is there close to a yellow dogwood tree, his loss stings still and it’s been almost 12 years. Brian is best known for being the writer of the cult classic 80’s film “Critters,” a fact that we are still so proud of even though he didn’t feel the same way. Brian died from pneumonia after dealing with cancer a 3rd time, the radiation to his brain depleted his body that had become too tired to persist. I took care of Brian for 6 days during his radiation and I still have regrets that I couldn’t help him stay here longer like he had wanted, I am so grateful for the time I got to spend with him…The gravestones are literal markers of time spent by the people beneath them. In a way those that still breathe and remember the ones that no longer walk the earth are memorials as long as they can recall the moments with those who have passed. It is true in a sense that you are never truly gone as long as someone remembers you.
I will most likely never have a gravestone but there is this…They say once you put something on the internet it will be there forever, if that’s true this blog and air guitar makes me immortal but I prefer the personal touch and thought of being remembered and recalled in some sweet, embarrassing or funny way until my people are no longer here and that’s enough for me.
Until next time ❤️
P.S. and side note: I saw the oncologist on Friday and I am continuing to be stable and my lab numbers are really good though my thyroid (that had never been tested previously) is low and I will have to take medication to balance that out. I am going to Denver to judge an air guitar contest this Saturday. Yet more memories to make while I get to be here, don’t worry, I feel really good right now and I hope you do too 😘