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I thought they said I couldn’t heal!

Healing is a process that our body does constantly. We tend to take for granted the bumps and bruises that eventually flatten and fade like they were never there along with shallow cuts and scrapes, the skin left smooth, often with no trace of trauma. When I overheard my first surgeon tell my wound care nurse I would never heal and that my abscessed surgical holes in my butt would never get better therefore there was no use to take out the drain that was causing me discomfort and pain, I refused to believe her and sought another surgeon. My next and current surgeon took out that drain as well as the other drains that were to come over the next year but he also didn’t believe I would heal, though he had empathy and was willing to at least ease my pain along the way. My butt, having what I like to call “it’s own ecosystem” showed signs of healing followed by infection followed by healing, it’s metaphorical seas calm one day and then plundered by a tsunami of instability the next. It has been a bumpy ride to say the least, my backside full of potholes. I have always believed in the potential of any body to heal, my job for 20 years was to help facilitate healing for my massage clients, why couldn’t I believe in the possibility of my own flesh vessel to be able to do the same? So when my wound care nurse measured my OG abscess wound the other day and what had 2 weeks prior been 6cm deep but was now 1.6cm deep, she thought there had been an error but discovered there hadn’t been, the hole is indeed getting smaller. That’s healing, the action I was told that my body would not take. Though I still have openings that are not part of my original packaging (one recently sealed itself leaving 2), there still needs to be a physical exit for the seepage that is still draining out of me, this fluid is not the horror show it used to be and the amount is far less. Positive change is healing even if the ultimate outcome isn’t what we want, the body continues to try…Can I get an amen?

Healing (jeez, how many times can I repeat that word in this post?😳) is a process that is non stop until the day we die, it is not static nor does it ever end, at least not until we do. It’s a bigger concept than just physical but I am not trying to write a book here, though my meandering thoughts beg to differ apparently. Sorry for my stream of consciousness blathering, it has been a long day though a good one. My oncologist is very excited about the positive direction that my healing is taking, this clinical trial drug muting the mutant gene that has road blocked my progress for a long time and is finally allowing my body to seek vitality again. I am no longer anemic, my hemoglobin number continuing to climb and my tumor marker known as a CEA, is as of today normal for the first time on this cancer ride. She wants me to show the surgeons that though there are set protocols in the western medicine world, everyone is different and should be treated as the individuals that they are, a concept that is often overlooked as statistics are spewed forth like facts instead of measurements. The research nurse is very encouraged as well and so are the sponsors of this trial. Science can be amazing, I am grateful to be a part of this cutting edge therapy, I hope I continue to feel better and better, I pray I am not the only one this is happening for…Can you imagine what a gift this could be?


Can you get drunk from acupuncture? Ha! I had that today too, as well as taking a walk with a good friend, it is a gift to be able to do all of these things in one day and even a non cancer person would be tired as I am right now… At least that is what I am telling myself as I pull this taffy like post out of my sleepy brain.


Until next time ❤️



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There is much to celebrate 3 years (tomorrow officially) after my initial diagnosis! First of all I am still alive and actually thriving right now, a true miracle and gift thanks to the clinical trial