I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…
Good news, I got my living room decorated for Xmas…Well mostly, I have a few finishing touches to add but still, it’s nice to feel a little festive. I asked my huge rosemary bush (a plant that is energetic protection and it smells nice) to sacrifice a few branches to put on my mantle. I do this every year and then like a Yule log I will burn them after the new year when they are completely dry… Yeah I know 🙄 how Portland of me, ha! It’s important to me to have traditions like this.
I make jokes about being a woo woo hippie massage therapist from the PNW born and raised but this is a part of my quilted together spirituality and I really am not ashamed. I was baptized Lutheran and went to church intermittently though I never was confirmed, I just didn’t like that level of commitment. What I really enjoyed about church was the ceremony of it all, the sameness of the call and response “Do this in remembrance of me.” Still I couldn’t be a true Christian, though fear kept my toe in the water for quite awhile… I realized that being actively terrified of eternal damnation is compelling but I ultimately didn’t want to be bullied into following a specific religion just in case it was the right one. I personally don’t believe there is one true organized religion because ultimately humans have been the ones to organize them whether channeling spirit or not but I believe in the right of individuals to participate in whatever one feels compelled to do…As long as no harm is done, a seemingly tall order these days.
You might think “Kara, why do you care about Xmas if you don’t accept J.C. As your lord and savior?” The answer is layered. I enjoyed the story of the Christ birth and loved the sweet nativity scenes though I just didn’t understand the frankincense and myrh…What’s a baby gonna do with that? Not to mention the confusion about the virgin birth 😳 I was an only child for 12 years and my imagination knew no bounds which would explain my chronic insomnia as a kid, there were so many things to contemplate and fear. What I really loved and still do is the magic in the air, the good memories of some family moments, having a true belief in Santa, wearing pajamas all day and truly enjoying who I am with. Of course I have always loved presents, receiving and giving, especially when there is true thought in the exchanges. Though I have found that excess can blot out the magic, causing a weird fleeting drunkenness from an over abundance of things. Ultimately this time of year can make me notice how grateful I am for being here again, a feeling stronger every year that I get to breathe in this space and feeling of potential. As cheesy as that sounds it boils down to an immense feeling of love…I am really full of it tonight so I think I may feel a skosh better.
I have an immunotherapy appointment tomorrow, we will see what the tests say.
Wish me luck on finishing up my holiday decoration!
Until next time ❤️