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Crack is whack: The ramble edition.

Cooper checking to see if I am paying attention having recently stolen a cherry out of my bowl. My last remaining pug is a bit of a butthole...Fitting 😛

Within 2 days of going back on my chemo pills, the sores in my upper gluteal cleft, which were almost healed, started cracking open again. The pain is mildly less excruciating as the radiation burn has calmed down but every time I move I feel like my ass will break in half and all of the kings horses and all of the kings men will never be able to put me back together again 😜

My other wounds are inflamed as well, Charles makes me sing opera as he shoves the packing into all the non traditional holes in me bum. The singing distracts me from clenching, something that makes his job more difficult when I can’t relax. I am going to take a break from the pills in order to see if I can get the ulcers to fully heal up, they were almost there when I started taking the pills this time, I knew I should have waited before starting again but the mind gets muddy with fear and urging from my oncologist who means well and is shooting for success. This is where I waffle a bit, I trust her to do what she thinks best but she doesn’t know my body like I do and I need to respect my own authority regarding that as well. Baby steps, I am learning to advocate for myself in a lot of different ways through this rollercoaster that doesn’t ever seem to stop and my doctor is very good at planning with me, she does not shut me down like some would try to do. My numbers are usually very good so I might be doing something right, that’s not just the treatment.

I am mildly addicted to TikTok, a forum where people put all kinds of videos, there was one I watched today on “Starseeds” which are people that chose to be on the earth at this time in history to work towards ascension (an enlightenment, look it up if you are interested in knowing more) for all of us. I like the idea that I could be a Starseed, I have all the symptoms of a person that could be one and I love the idea of being part of a collective energy that aims to do good. I wish more people did this instead of worrying about the myriad of things that they have no control over. You might be thinking “Oh no, Kara’s gone off the deep end...” Don’t worry, I have always been a weirdo, this isn’t anything new or a strange side effect from one of my supplements. It’s okay if you want to blame the fact that I live in Portland “Ahhh, that’s right, she lives in Portland 🙄” Anyway, imagining that I could be part of an energetic shift is way more fun than worrying about my next scan or test.

My weather app says that it is as hot as Satan’s butthole outside today, 114 degrees right now and our AC is laboring hard. We live in a house that was built almost 100 years ago, the AC is super helpful and I am glad the pugs made us get it but holy crap 😳! I am still sweaty, though grateful that we still have power to keep the house as cool as it can be. Tomorrow it is supposed to be in the low 90’s and that is a relief.

I hope you all are staying cool and hydrated through this!

Until next time ♥️

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