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Butt Hurt

This is the first period in my chemotherapy experience aka “Sparkling Infusion” that I have not had an interruption. The first round I ripped a hole in my colon, therefore I had to get a colostomy and not have chemo for a month or so and then the second round I had an abscess and got a 5 month break from chemo...Imagine my surprise when there were no red flags after the 3rd time and my doctor wanted me to do the next round with no break! Here is my confession: even though the reasons for the interruption in sparkle sessions were concerning and awful, I was cool with not getting my radioactive infusions.

I don’t really love taking pills or any pharmaceuticals anyway. I am not the person who takes Advil like vitamins. Often I will ingest less than what is recommended. I am definitely a less is more kind of person when it comes to potent medications but here I am, 2x into my 4th round and wondering how this is going to be, what will happen to my body, will I survive?

If you have any idea what a dramatic person I can be you will know that this question is a legitimate one, at least in my world not to mention that it is true, cancer therapy is not usually a slam dunk, it is more like tap dancing on a balance beam over man eating shark infested waters.

You might also think that a person with a colostomy aka “Front Butt” aka “Klaus” wouldn’t have to worry about a “back butt” or what the norms might refer to as a “butt”...Well, if you like me have had a procedure called a “Transverse Loop Colostomy” you can definitely not say that the actual butt is closed for business, renovations may be underway and business hours are limited but there is definitely action that can happen.

If you are familiar with this blog you are also familiar with my tendency to over share, if not...Ha! Anyway, chemotherapy creates interesting side effects, all different cancers have different treatments that have their own brand of fun and those too are dependent on the patient, yet another indicator that even though humans are similar we are not exact duplicates. Here are my latest Cracker Jack prizes: Constipation, this makes my poo turn into rocks (not exaggerating), that is when it actually excretes out of Klaus, they are usually perfectly square, I could build a pretty good igloo with them. I feel these bricks as they work their way through my intestines. Nausea, which so far has been the least of the issues, it is intermittent and easily treated by ingesting and smoking pot. The cherry on top: When my digestion starts to normalize, picture a helium tank and balloon after balloon after balloon filling to capacity but the pressure is such that the helium squeaks out around the sides of the balloon mouth or in my case, the back butt.

So far it seems like the symptoms cycle for a week and then I get to be somewhat normal until I have to do it all again. I am hoping so and if I am right, tomorrow I will feel good again or at least not like a rock birthing, helium tank-like igloo making machine.

Side note: Covid-19 quarantine and crazy political climate is seeping into my psyche a little bit. I know that life can never be exactly what it was and honestly I am really hoping for positive change going forward but I really wish people would see that we are all in this together, the lack of empathy that I am witnessing is a disease and not to sound too gross and syrupy but love and acceptance is where the healing is. It behooves certain power mongers to have the majority of our society fighting while they line their pockets with money and power. Seriously, who thinks Mitch McConnell or our president is doing anything for anybody but themselves?

I know, I digress.

We will get through this.

Until next time ♥️

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