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Welcome to “The Shit Show”

Hi! Thank you for coming, I hope you are having a better time than I am but if not, hang on and let's try to get through this...Also, what the fuck?!

I have always had a relatively good relationship with my stoma Klaus, he has been healthy and the perfect size. The little horror show on my stomach has a ridiculous sense of humor but really, I have been lucky...Until recently.

When the rain came in recently I developed a nasty cough that I feel aggravated my hernia, in turn doubling the size of Klaus. Now, this may seem like no big deal but the apparatus that fits over the stoma to catch poop is specific and fitted, imagine if you jumped 2 jean sizes, you couldn't zip your pants. Now none of my bags nor apparatus could get around my stoma, this is a literal nightmare.

I have an appointment with my surgeon next week but that doesn't help me now. I got some samples from a former nurse thankfully but those weren't working either, at least not well, these things can be tricky.

I had a clinical trial appointment yesterday and my tumors are literally dying, good news but I am still incredibly anemic. My doctor wants me to have weekly iron infusions. I asked her if she thought I was secretly bleeding, like one day I will just explode like a human tick in a Cronenberg film? She said the GI tract can bleed a lot but chances are I am just at an incredible deficit from that hemorrhage incident that happened at the start of the trial.

I went back to the infusion room to take my pills and start my iron.

They wanted a urine sample. I had earlier tried to get a sample bag from the ostomy department but was blown off and told that they don't do samples and that I should make an appointment, so basically I was hoping the bag I had on would stay strong....Alas...

In the bathroom I pulled down my pants and the shit was EVERYWHERE 😳😬 I didn't bring my purse, I didn't have my phone but there was the alarm pull. I stared at that alarm pull with trepidation, I mean what was my other option as the brown sludge dripped onto my legs.

It was like a fire alarm and I heard the sounds of concern as the nurses (there were several) burst into the bathroom to see my shit covered, sobbing mess of a form, pants around my knees, hoo haw exposed to the world. Fuck. This is pretty low. I sobbed "Sorry, I just need help." They helped me the best they could, supplied me with wet wipes and tried to find an ostomy bag, which was really impossible to do, weirdly. I remembered I had one more sample in my bag and made that work.

I haven't cried this much in years and I can't seem to stop. Charles said I cried in my sleep last night...No wonder I woke up exhausted, wondering if there was a secret spot in my body that is filling up with blood and making it impossible for me to feel better.

There have been a lot of uncool and officious people I have dealt with this week that have actually been cruel. The kind people outweigh the villains though and I have to hold onto that. There have been a lot of hugs and my ostomy supply is sending me a rush order of something that may work for me until I resolve this issue.

Life always feels better in May for me, please let this be no different. I am seeing a lovely ostomy nurse tomorrow, so hopefully she will help me out.

The weather is beautiful.

Until next time ❤️

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Apr 27, 2023

Crying is really cathartic, and lets out all the emotions. I hope the sun and that the ostomy nurse help hold you steady.

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