I love all of the seasons in certain ways, even the winter, dark and heavy as that can be, an anvil on the soul forcing one to slow down. Now the chirping of the birds speak to me, it makes me feel hopeful. In the distance I hear the whispers from the hospital "We don't want to give you false hope..." I balk at this message, I also do not believe that true hope is capable of being false, my point in all of this: It is spring, the birds are adorable and I feel pretty good which is awesome.
I had my first chemotherapy session in this round last week, the symptoms were relatively mild and controlled by cannabis. I keep the pharmaceuticals that are prescribed on deck but I have not had to use them, this also makes me happy. Marijuana is so stigmatized, a plant that works for a lot of people, has anti-inflammatory qualities and has no major side effects. There is no one perfect answer for everyone, we have to figure out our own cocktail that is going to work for us. I read somewhere that our internal body chemistry is like fingerprints, nobody is exactly the same, that really makes sense to me.
Feelings of hope and relief of pain in my body make me think about my future. It has been hard to wrap my mind around what I want to do when I grow up when the most I could do in a day was to lay on a couch and binge watch America's Next Top Model (ALL 1 million episodes) for weeks if not months at a time. Props to Tyra Banks, she really helped me to find my light, ha!
The good thing about not being able to do much for months is that it allowed me to work on my drawing skills. I have always wanted to be an artist, this is a way for me to play at my dream. That being said I decided to launch a fundraising campaign to help me pay for for naturopathic treatments utilizing one of my pictures. I like the idea that someone would like what I made enough to actually wear it on their body, that's kind of cool and yet another thing that makes me happy.
We ordered a dumpster to work on making space in our house, it was way bigger than we needed but that creates incentive to fill it as much as possible. Energetically the home can be viewed as your body and health, cancer is a message to change and shed that which does not serve you just like spring cleaning. As we have cleared out that which we don't need I feel a bit of relief and more of that dreaded hope. I am tired right now, deservedly so, cancer treatment and house cleaning are not for the faint of heart.
Until next time ♥️