It feels heavy these days and I am dragging a bit, though I do feel better than I did last week. There seems to be a collective feeling of sadness that is weighing me down right now and I am just trying to weather it, I know this will pass. This is my favorite time of year but the magic is a bit elusive right now, I won't lose hope that I will find it eventually. I started decorating the other day and I moved some furniture to highlight our pink tinsel tree, this helps and I will keep plugging away at the rest of my house, though I am not going to decorate too much more I just want things to look and feel nice.
Even trying to write my thoughts right now feels like pulling gum out of hair, though I saw a tip on TikTok regarding hair mousse and gum...Apparently it takes the gum right out, maybe I could try that trick on my general feeling of malaise, If only that would work.
I have probably mentioned this before but in one of my mushroom journeys the mushrooms told me and showed me through sensation, that there could be no pleasure without pain, no joy without sadness. Perhaps right now I am experiencing the literal darkness that peaks on Solstice before the days start getting longer again. My life has always been a little different but this forced retirement due to illness has turned the volume up on my weird and made me extra sensitive apparently. In a way the last few years my feet have straddled a crevice of death and through a lot of the time I have been altered either by various alternative medicine (cannabis and psilocybin) or just really feeling sick and sleeping like my dogs. Maybe feeling more aware and less altered because I actually have been physically better is why I am experiencing everything more intensely this year, I just have to learn how to manage this new version of myself.
If life wasn't so hard maybe we wouldn't appreciate it.
Until next time❤️