What would a new year be for me without a fever?🙄 I feel it would be pretty great but time will tell if that ever happens. Maybe this time it is foretelling of good things to come like rain on a wedding day is supposed to be a portent of good luck. I admit to feeling a little sorry for myself right now, my face feels hot and I want to cry...Boo hoo, poor me, ha! Nobody wants to hear me belly ache, this is what I tell myself and I have so much to be grateful for...This is not me forcing that toxic positivity into this post, please don't think that. I find that when I feel a bit dismal, noting the good stuff helps and makes things feel lighter. There definitely seems to be a loose pattern to my health and winter time has been a bit hard for quite a few years. I mean even pre cancer, who doesn't get some kinda crud through or after the holidays? That being said, with my history there has to be some vigilance and wariness reading the signs of my body.
I felt I was getting better yesterday but I had a pretty intense conversation with a loved one regarding family abuse and though horrors of the past can't be undone, the acknowledgment of what one has persevered is longed for, often by those who will never give it. A theme I have been running up against myself. Maybe this stems from a lack of attention by those who raised us, maybe it's worse based on being a woman...I don't know but what I do know is that it is important to work on truly appreciating and acknowledging one's own self, easier said than done but imperative to get past needing to be appreciated. To sum it up, talking about family stuff regarding my maternal side can really fuck up my immune system as weird as that sounds, especially when I am extra compromised. I don't regret the conversation but I do regret my tendency to energetically sacrifice myself, a hazard of being a Massage Therapist...If you know, you know.
I hope you all have had a better start to the new year than me and hopefully I will get better soon 😘
Until next time ❤️