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The beginning of a new beginning.

Clinical trials are interesting. I felt like I was on a date as I was constantly asked for my consent regarding different aspects of leaving one experiment for another. My doctor was geared up to convince me to try this second choice (the first doesn't have a spot yet) she wants to jump on something new because the liver tumors are mostly stable though the rectal one has decided to stretch out more. I didn't need convincing, I feel better moving forward rather than living in the in between as I have mentioned before.

After my appointment I went to my new job to train. Learning something new is hard if you don't have a compromised immune system but I seem to be managing. I look forward to finding a rhythm...There is a part of me that really fears failure, I guess this can apply to all aspects of my life but working for someone is a little extra just because I don't want to let anyone down...Once again the broken parts of me pop out and show me where I need to work on my issues. It's funny how in certain areas I can feel so strong and brave but others 😳 It's kind of like a reverse Shazam situation where suddenly my little Kara is in charge and terrified of getting in trouble. When my health dips this happens too, it is something that I need to try to evolve into something else. I think I have to work more with my inner child, help strengthen her. For a lot of years I have protected and loved her but this is another step, "Little Kara" needs to get swole, ha! Well, at least less fearful, I think that would help both of us ultimately.

I am pretty tired, it's been a long day for me so I am gonna make this short, though I did grout my mosaic yesterday. Hopefully I can finish it by my next post.

Until next time ❤️

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Eric Laub
Eric Laub
Feb 28, 2023

Looking forward to seeing the new mosaic!

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