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Not so bad.

As I slowly peel away the "mehs" and "blahs" of the last couple weeks I have had some lowered volume festive moments. I even made cookies with one of my good friends and it was really nice, though I was a bit tired the day after, cancer has made me a bit wussy. Still, I continue to slowly decorate and now our stockings are up and hanging by the fireplace with care. The heaviness of this year still weighs on me like an anvil but at least I am no longer feeling crushed by it.


Getting an abscess always stops my bass practicing but this time my butt has healed pretty fast so I have begun to practice again. I am trying to sing and play at the same time which is a challenge to the brain especially on the bass...I never pick what's easy but I know it can be done.


I am at an interesting place in this adventure and these weird times. The clock keeps ticking yet this pandemic keeps going on whether or not people want to acknowledge it. I miss karaoke bars and performing in public. It is way too easy for me to be a shut in, I am too comfortable with myself. I feel better than I have in a long time but not good enough to forget that I have a condition...Middle aged angsty is how I feel, restless yet weirdly unmotivated.


I am still here and I was pretty sure I might not have been when I started this blog...I have never been a big planner but I have to admit that right now I am a bit flummoxed regarding how to do my life. This is not to say that I regret being here still but I stepped off of the "semi normal life train" when I started cancer treatment in 2019 and now I am unsure on how I get back on the train or whether or not I am even ready yet. It's a funny conundrum when you discover that you seem to have more life ahead than what the authorities told you.


I do know that I am going to make Irish stew on Xmas Eve, at least I know that much.


Until next time ❤️

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