I saw the surgeon today, I was nervous after our last visit as it had been awkward due to his doom speech at the hospital previously, forecasting my future with an end that has yet to be decided. This visit was better, he told me he was here to help me. He took another biopsy out of one of my wounds to test it for tumor, though he asked my permission and whether I wanted to know if the wound had been encroached. I said I did, facts are okay with me, though these kinds of things are never fun, truth seeking or not. I will update on my blog when I know. He took out a drain that has been in for 3 months and will potentially take out another drain or drains in 2 weeks. Looking back at what I just wrote makes me miss the time when I just had to worry about if I had enough clean sheets to massage all my clients that day, it seems like a lifetime ago and just writing that brings tears to my eyes at the loss. I saw in a documentary or a TV show someone say that loss was just another word for change and that makes it feel a little better...You need to find those things that bring light to the dark times.
Speaking of dark times I realized recently how dark and heavy I had been feeling and I decided I needed to do something about it so I started microdosing mushrooms again and it has helped exponentially. Instead of feeling like I was mostly under water, I am about shoulder deep now and that helps. I have always been a person that has worked with intention and manifesting, though never on a huge scale. Stuff like pretending I already had a job or a boyfriend worked for me. I know that sounds silly and you may think that these things would happen anyway and they can but have you ever had someone in your life who never seems to get what they want? Someone who is always saying things like “Why don’t I have someone? I have the worst luck.” Or something equivalent to that AND they always DO have the worst luck. If you look up the how-to’s of officially manifesting it will say something like “Act as though everything you want in your life just is. You already have it” Sounds ridiculous in a way, from the perspective of a person in a society which continuously gate keeps and puts out the message that if you don’t work yourself to death, or you don’t have the correct whatever, you don’t really deserve to exist. Of course this rule really only applies to the working class, don’t tell me the majority of the elites do this, that is often not the case. So...Here I am, manifesting my future for what it’s worth and why the hell not? Magic is just intention set into motion, you see this all of the time in athletics and Alaska Fishermen (I have a weakness for “Deadliest Catch”.) I feel my cells listening to me and as I type this I also have a feeling of joy looking forward to my manifested future, a Greek island is calling my name when this life chapter is over.
There was a time when hand washing for the purpose of not spreading germs was deemed as witchcraft, maybe someday the potential science of intention will be explained but I don’t need that. If people can have faith in religion than I too can have faith in my body’s ability to heal itself and why not?
Let‘s at least see what happens, there is really nothing to lose.
Until next time ❤️
