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Looking forward to Spring (the season and the step.)

Updated: Mar 25

People keep asking me how I feel, friends, family and medical staff and I usually say “I feel okay.” This is not a lie but it is a disappointing truth as I want to say “I feel fantastic!” I often find myself trying to make others feel better regarding my lack of vigor, a bad habit and one that I find is becoming a tad exhausting. I love that people care enough about me to want to know how I feel but the look on their faces or the sound of their voices when my answer is a dull midline response compels me to explain my situation, to justify it in a way that will make it palatable for those who care about me. Basically telling them “I am still in this, my tank is just a bit low, give me a break...” Without saying those words. I tend to try and shoulder their burden of worry myself as it pains me to think any of my loved ones would be worried about me, if that makes sense, even in a fucked up way...Surprise! In the event you didn’t know I am a skosh not right, ha!

I have a feeling, maybe it is wishful thinking or even better my amazing psychic abilities that have been confirmed over and over again by the witches on TikTok “If you have the mole here” or “If the have these X’s between the lines on your palms...” Anyway, the internet has confirmed me pretty powerful so let’s go with that, therefore I am projecting that things are going to change for the better regarding my health in the Spring. There you have it, I said it here, Witchtok don’t fail me now!

I definitely feel like I am in a holding pattern. There has been a LOT of resting. I have a new apparatus that is attached to a catheter needle that is inside of me and draining a deep abscess that I have to measure and dump twice a day. When I flush the line of this doo dad, it shoots the water in the syringe through said line and out one of my butt wounds, it is such a strange sensation. I often wonder if this is temporary or forever, it could go either way but I am shooting for temporary. I often fantasize into the future where I can look back and talk about the rough times as I lay on the beach of a greek island or riding a bike through Spain.

I just listened to Tina Turner’s book “My Love Story” I listened to it awhile ago, actually the last time I was in Hawaii. I am so inspired by her, she never quit no matter how challenging things have gotten for her. I highly recommend it, maybe you too can find inspiration as well.

That’s about all I have for today, thankfully the sun was out and I got to soak a bit of it in. I hope you did as well.

Hang in there!

Until next time ❤️

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Paula Lowden
Paula Lowden
03 mar 2021

I Love your honesty. That is what I always want to hear.

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