Let’s talk about death, baby...(In the style of TLC).
If you follow my blog, you know my issue with surgeons and their god complexed tunnel vision and seemingly lack of imagination with a side salad of narcissism. I had to leave my first surgeon because they couldn’t stop trying to read my tea leaves and forecasting ahead a scenario that was really heinous even though they only knew a fraction of my case. I actually like my current surgeon despite his doom and gloom speech that he gave me before my first CT guided drain procedure, though his words did do some damage that I have been slowly repairing. I have mentioned this before but whether or not we like the idea, everyone of us is going to die eventually and if you are lucky enough to get to do everything you want and achieve an advanced age, perhaps at that time you will welcome leaving your corporeal form, especially if you have beat out all of your loved ones in this particular game of life. My surgeons message regarding the latest biopsy of my butt wound was lightly ominous (so, he’s definitely paid attention to my notes, ha) but when I saw my oncologist today she just scoffed when I asked what she thought of this latest information “Of course there was some cancer in your wound, there probably always has been and they didn’t biopsy the right spot. It doesn’t matter. Whatever treatment that works at killing the cancer will work in all of the places!” My oncologist sugar coats nothing with me, so her words have weight and I trust her to do her best. I tell her I love her at every appointment, facts and plans are far more important than being told that your goal is impossible.
What’s my goal in regard to my health? Ultimately no cancer, a colostomy reversal and an amazing rest of a pain free (in the chronic way) life! Though I will however accept no cancer and a colostomy with a bottom line and runner-up of chronic yet stable cancer as long as I can travel and work on having a fabulous and interesting life. I will truly be bummed (ha, bummed 🤪) if this disease ultimately takes me out but at least I will have had some really unique and wonderful experiences sprinkled within the horror of battling my own confused cells. Also for fun, when people say or do things that unintentionally or maybe intentionally fuck with my state of mind, purpose or people I love, I imagine my spirit self visiting them and inciting some really violent diarrhea at some inopportune time such as a job interview or a blind date. Really, public soiling of the pants is a great equalizer, it is something that most humans can experience and should definitely experience if their life motto is being an insensitive douche, ha! You have to accentuate the positive and if such thoughts make you laugh like they do me, all the better.
I have been on my new chemo pill since Thursday and feel relatively good, though I did sprain my ankle walking across my yard on Saturday. A few days of crutches and complete laziness along with a chiropractic adjustment from (in my opinion) the best chiropractor in the world and I can walk on the foot even though I am trying my best to continue to baby the limb as to not back slide...Patience can be challenging for sure.
Okay, I probably have shared enough for now.
Until next time ❤️
P.S. I finally got my Covid hair cut after 7 months of being sequestered. I feel like 10 years were cut off of me, it is a wonderful feeling.