I am in Astoria and I am very distracted however I remembered at the last minute my obligation to writing twice a week in this blog, so here I am!
We are visiting family in Astoria Oregon this weekend and the weather has been gorgeous, a lucky break that the rain has been pretty mild and the sun aplenty. I have been in a strange headspace lately as in feeling a bit out of it, not grounded at all. I feel like I am constantly slipping out of my own fingers like that mask that blew out of my husbands hand yesterday in the middle of town, carried away by a persistent breeze and headed directly into traffic. This RSO protocol is no joke, a natural chemotherapy is how I am looking at it, like the traditional therapy there can be nausea, forgetfulness and fatigue but without the mysterious, really scary side effects that can come with the western medicine side of things. Still…I decided to tone down the regimen while visiting the coast just because I didn’t want to be too out of it, I want to do things without being completely checked out…I really don’t like being high all of the time. All this being said, I am going to try and get to a gram of RSO a day and maintain this until I have reached 2 months, the suggested minimum amount to do something like this, what do I have to lose and why not?
Next week I start the immunotherapy, a new uncertain path through this dark forest I am navigating. I am tired of having cancer, I want this chapter to be over. I want to be able to leave my house without having to make sure I have done all of the things that I have to do now in order to be able to leave my house, it could be way worse but it is a process…Blergh…Sorry, don’t mind me, I just miss the easy parts of life that aren’t so easy for me these days and have to dance to at least one song in that pity party.
I played in a band yesterday! Well, not technically a band but my husband, his brother and I jammed! It was so cool, well the jamming was awesome, my skills are not so polished but there is room to grow and maybe I will. It was so much fun and for a minute I could forget about cancer and the fact that I have it 😕
I feel restless…For the first time in my life I am mildly concerned about my mental health but this too could be the RSO, everyday I titrate the dose down my brain is a little more clear, I look forward to finishing this treatment, I am tired of feeling perpetually confused.
Until next time ❤️